On Suicide

I've tried a couple times. There's a key: leave nothing to fall back on. That's why these self-annihilators are always the ones that lost their job - they've lost the respect of their family, their job, whathaveyou - there's nothing left. They're up to their eyeballs in debt, they have no faith or moral compunction, whatever. Unfortunately, they're too emotionally immature to realize that the decision they make is a valid one, but not if it includes others. It is after all, our life. We choose many things, yet the idea that we have made an assessment of what we have lived versus what there is left on our timeline seems ridiculous. Except for those in physical pain and old age (where euthenasia is still debated), if a person, in full mental faculty, decides that the rest of their life will be tinged with sorrow and regret, anger and pain, decides therefore to 'quit the game' so to speak, is absurd?
It is a plain, simple fact that the overwhelming majority of us do not accomplish anything. That being said, is it really that much more noble to wallow in a life of compromise and failure, waiting for some external force to decide we have ended, than rather to decide oneself - to take the ultimate decision - into ourself and say, "Valiant or sloppy, persistent or lazily, the quest for those things I find give my life meaning has fallen beyond my grasp; I should only be wasting the value of my life by extending it any further." Is that so wrong?
Personally, two things have driven my life - a desire to create something that would change us, all of us - be it art or literature, and secondly the belief (albeit delusional one) that there is a woman in my life - at times knowing I would not meet her for some time - that would justify my life's work, that would be my soulmate, that would show me love and make sense of this universe. My Virgin Mary, my muse, my fate. I have failed at both, and while it is of course possible that in the autumn years of a natural life I would somehow recoop either or both, it is obvious from my character traits and situations that will not be. We are all born for greatness, some have enough tools to fool themselves into thinking they can accomplish it. I have learned I do not have the tools, the depth, or the strength to do so. Is it nobler for me to wait tables, drink beers and watch shitty movies for the rest of my days, or rather to accept defeat and journey on?
Of course, we are resilient. We are served lamb and lobster our whole life, yet in a fell swoop we are dumpster diving for scraps. And we persevere. I agree with what I have written, it is difficult for me to understand us, our situation. We change purposes and priorities like they were underwear. One claims to live their life for their family, yet they move on and find new purpose, perhaps a greater one. Who knows...